How it all began.....

We found out that our son would be born with a Uni-lateral cleft lip and palate when I was about 33 weeks along due to a late ultrasound. It was devastating for us. I remember vividly that day sitting in my car after the appt. calling my husband to come home because they had found something wrong with the baby. I of course was crying which freaked him out. When I told him what it was he was almost relieved as his first thoughts were something far worse. I headed home and did what would give me comfort, get on the internet and start researching what we were really going to deal with. I really didn't know what it all meant or what it would look like. The pictures of course are never what you expect and I couldn't find the exact situation like ours. Over the days and weeks to follow before his birth, we both felt sorry for ourselves, not listening to others tell us it could be far worse. Those things just can't be understood that soon. We both felt like it wasn't fair, why us, all those emotions. The worst part for me though was wondering and feeling ashamed that I might not love my child as much because of the way he looked. I worried about what others would think, what our family would say, all stupid things as I look back but very real at that time. I remember one particular day shortly before he was born when we were attending church services. We began to sing Awesome God with all the wonderful instrumental background etc. My husband and I looked at each other and were overwhelmed with emotion, we couldn't finish the song. That was a big turning point for us in our Spiritual lives, especially me but I really didn't know it yet....